Grateful for the lessons

So I've been threatening to start a blog for quite a few years now, and yesterday just so out of the blue, I created one and today I put out my first post. To say I was exited would be an understatement, because what has kept me from blogging is the fact that I find writing so intimidating,yes I do journal, but that's just my thoughts and the pages.

So I sent my first post to a few friends of mine, feeling both nervous and excited....three of them sent really positive feed back, "wow, well done you finally did it" another one wrote "your writing really resonates with me" and another "happy for you my friend."

Then someone I consider a really close to me, was more focused on my typos and how I could improve my writing style...it stung a lot, because for me this was big, it meant putting aside my fears and insecurities and diving right in.

So as expected when I'm feeling a little bruised I picked up the phone and called my bff. She was very sympathetic, and reminded me, that this experience is about me, and maybe he was focused on everything else because he didn't understand my journey to this point. I started going on about how I didn't want to be too aware of myself when I write and how I wouldn't go back to fix anything he had suggested. Like the wise woman she is she says, "Even if you do, it's okay, maybe there's a lesson there for you,no experience is ever wasted."

Immediately after talking to her, what did I do? Yes I went back to my post and  and fixed the typos and  worked on whatever feed back he had given me. In that moment I realised, that deep down I'm still that little girl whose desperate for approval and what others think really matters to me...That's the lesson. Thank  you!!

Deep down I also know that this person cares too deeply for me and his comments were never personal

Thankful for the lessons, for when we know, we can begin the journey to healing.

"All is well in my world"

The One

I came across a friends status update a few months ago and it read " I'd rather be single, never settling or lowering my standards, while resting my heart patiently waiting for the One." it got me thinking about the reasons why we get involved in relationships...and I started asking myself, what if you never meet the One, then what? Does that mean you remain single for the rest of your life?

Truth is for the longest time I was also one of those people who held on so strongly to the idea of The One...and when I lost my "first love," I was devastated, thinking this is it for me! Then growing up happened and I started to question so many of my beliefs around love and life and it got me thinking that believing that there can only be one true love for us, is a belief steeped in scarcity, rather than abundance.

Through my soul searching I came to realise that relationships are about learning and growing, meeting people who mirror where you are at and challenge you to be the best you can be. Never have I gotten this idea so clearly, than in the past year and a half. And it was the relationships that didn't make me feel like I was "losing myself," "falling head over heels in love" that allowed me to really get it.

Truth is, not all of us are going to end up with "The One" "Our Soul Mate"  whatever you choose to call it(especially the Hollywood picture they paint for us) but that's no reason to despair or remain uninvolved, depriving ourselves of meeting and getting involved with such amazing people. There's so many beautiful men and women in the world that we can have profound relationships with, we should never limit our experiences.

So while we at it, we might as well thank our exes;-) they are our greatest teachers, but we only tend to really get the lessons, when we don't "lose ourselves in love" remaining sober minded enough to really see them, ourselves and the relationship for what it really is.

So I thank you, you and you...for allowing me to see that I have such issues with rejection, helping me define my boundaries, and allowing me to see that the love I so desperately seek from another, can only be found in myself. The lessons are profound and so is my gratitude.

It all starts and ends with us.